a trip, a wedding, and reunions

before i know it, holiday is coming to an end in 1 day's time. for some reasons, i always found that each holiday was the most memorable one right after it ended. and again, i agreed that dec 2007 holiday was fantabulous. sis and i made it solo to india. it wasn't an ambitious trip, yet it was fun learning about indian cultures and history. we didn't miss taj mahal. we learned about shah jahan, (the builder of taj) his descendants, and buildings that are tokens of appreciations after their deaths. we went vegetarian for 8 days. (and it went perfectly fine without any thoughts of fried chicken or any sort of animals)

as soon as we got home, an engagement party and a wedding were ready to be embraced by us. a time for family reunion! where all general matters like school, boyfriends, family gossips were exchanged. was impressed by how organized the wedding was. warm food kept coming and over 1500 guests didn't swarm the ballroom, so the atmosphere was airy, informal, yet its festive mood was significantly mesmerizing.

got to be close with granpa again. after all, he's an 82-year-old lonely man who seldom has visitors listening intently to him. i have to admit that i sometimes just shut down completely upon hearing repeated stories. however, that activated my creativity to ask more questions, which eventually caused him to be nostalgic of the hard times of the past. and i did learn a lot about his business strategies when he started our store in 1964. thanks a zil, granpa!

taq was in town. so was han. had food spree ranging from the sundanese seafood in kuningan to the famous alas demang grilled chicken which i hadn't had for ages. watched resident evil that gave me chronic dizziness and bloatedness. (the camera effect i suppose) fell in love with a sarcastic hindi love story called cheeny kum. (translation: less sugar) changed my perspective of the entire bollywood industry. they do have some good a++ movies and not some dancing among a group of synchronized male and female dancers.


mom had a misplaced tooth filling, which made me in charge of the store while she went to bandung for regular check-ups. finally saw the applications of what i've learned from organization behavior and marketing courses. i have some ideas of computerizing dad's slightly chaotic business plan. so excited of making things happen!


sis was definitely the highlight of this holiday. she sometimes outshone me for her maturity. we would talk about anything under the sun. relationships, what is sex?, (a pretty volatile subject considering we didn't have much clue about it) and what course she should take for her undergraduate studies. little bro has changed a lot too! peers' influence definitely caused him to utter profanity, but he's a lot more courteous and thoughtful than the last time i saw him in august.


and yeah, i made a fatal mistake of booking the flight back to la for the 12th of dec 2007 instead of 12th of jan 2008. thank goodness, the senior manager of the ticket booth was able to help me rebook the flights for the following day with an additional fee of $25. (and yes, i returned to cirebon that night. more time with family. haha!) my plan of meeting up with yuli in singapore was ruined, but i couldn't help wonder how god worked super amazingly in this case. on the way to cirebon, we had a little accident which left us unscathed. and while i am transiting in singapore now, i've been able to accrue some things that i've been intending to buy but haven't got the chance to do so. and yuli is going to pick me up when i get back to la! *how sweet it is to have events take their course*

i am going to hunt for mee pok now. it's been a while since i last had that delicious noodle bowl. :D

happy new year, everyone! i've read somewhere that this is a good year for us oxen kids!

2 cups of coffee and a good conversation shall bring friendship together :)

Photo taken at Urth Cafe, Santa Monica, CA

all things bright and beautiful

that's james herriot's book series title by the way. herriot's a passionate vet living in country side, always trying to be available to any animal emergency needs. be it long past midnight or that he didn't have the medical supplies needed, herriot would always try to cater to these animals' needs, as though they were like us human beings.

i think that the passion engraved in herriot is truly amazing. i am currently rereading purpose driven life as my small group resource. at the same time, god seems to be guiding me to the direction that involves my passion and curiosity. i could name so many things that came naturally during the past 3 months that convinced me that i was in the right place and at right time. i knew that i was shallow to think this low. but initially i thought that lmu, being a private insititution, would not care about the well being of its students. i assumed that all it has to do is teach the kids what they ought to know for college. it's like the metaphor of 'i scratch your back if you scratch mine'. i was totally wrong! i implemented my work situation to my statistics project, much to my statistics teacher's delight. she even encouraged me to consider statistical analysis for a living. i've never had a teacher who would hug me and tell me how proud he or she is of me.

the business law professor is amazing too. he not only teaches us about complicated law terms and how they function, he wants us to be ethical persons too. he invited us to write wills and asked us to edit them if we did not include those people who have contributed much to our lives. how cool is that!

my workplace can be a rough patch at times since there is a constant change of supervisors and that supervisors rely on me a lot. however, i realized that i do enjoy the tasks that i've been doing for them. besides, the statistics prof told me that what i am doing to the office right now is the practical application of the expert system mentioned in my management information system class. haha!

lmu has given me so many opportunities to utilize my skills and build my characters. granted, the students here are pretty spoilt. but i am really thankful for the transition from purdue to lmu. this 180 degree turn allows me to put aside my priority of school and take my time to reflect on the decisions that i have made in the past couple of months.

merry christmas and happy new year! i know it's a tad soon to say that, but i may not be posting any entry for the rest of the month.

ps: catholic school is cool! they had christmas lightings in 2 places on campus! i saw a santa claus surrounded by kids who sat on his lab and brought their wish lists. how cute!

vegetarianism

i am seriously considering that. but there is a catch here. i'll make some exceptions. it's okay to be a carnivore while eating out. also, i think soup tastes good with meat stock, so i won't make vegetarian soup. why a change of habit out of sudden? i guess my work supervisor influences me a lot. she's a vegan (nope, i am not going to abstain myself from eating eggs and dairy products) and she can whip up some good stir-fried vegs for lunch. i used to fear buying vegs for the fact that i can only make 1 type of stir-fried dish. it also seems impossible to finish the vegs. now that i found out that tomatoes are delish with some salt and pepper, hmmm...the thought of being 'at home vegetarian' isn't so formidable anymore. well, we shall put it into practice from next week onwards. i still have some leftover mapo tofu in the fridge.

met jay in san diego yesterday! i have to say that our friendship is always on wherever we are in the country. we don't necessary contact each other often, but when he is nearby my location, he would give me a call and we'd eventually meet somewhere. he's the only friend that i've met in 4 different states. am so glad to meet him, have a good conversation with him, and enjoy the scenery of bilboa park. (learned the definition of 'taco truck' from him. forgot to charge my camera though. tears) and now i am just looking forward to thanksgiving, another festive occasion in which i shall meet tiffo. woo hoo! wouldn't mind going to san diego again. the zoo seems impressive.

anyway, i think i have decided on the right major. marketing, it is! loving every bit of it. i got to apply my marketing concepts to my workplace too. am so excited to finish up this statistics project! am definitely thrilled to be in mba. all the projects encompass my activities in life. cheers to mba program!

nora has a bf!!

my twin american sis just called and there were a gazilion of updates from her side. and the most exciting news of all: she's got a boyfriend! there's tremendous joy deep inside me. i realized when i treasure someone so much, i would feel her joy and her pain. from the very beginning of our friendship, i never feel a pang of jealousy or envy toward her. may our friendship last forever! i am also happy that she's planning to do her graduate studies in ireland. long live our globe-trotting experience! :)

my boss is leaving this friday. so is another boss in december. things are changing constantly, but being in california for a month or so, i am starting to get over things quickly. i'm nuts about cooking these days. the spring rolls were a hit in the house and though the curry puff pastries burst out opened, they tasted pretty good overall. my next cooking experiment? banana muffins! right before megan leaves.

earth, wind, and fire

yep, that's the music group that i currently enjoy listening to. i don't pay attention to the lyrics, but their song beat is so catchy and urges you to dance along. am always looking forward to 'september' or 'let's groove' whenever i tune in to the radio station during a drive.

found a purdue alumni in my stat class! was definitely thrilled. as soon as she found out that our alma mater is the same, she immediately gave me the email address of her indonesian best bud. 'just in case if you need a job.' she said. wow, can you believe how a common ground can bring two strangers together? i think a sense of identity plays a significant part in this. hopefully i'll get to know her better over the semester.

after being nosey through friendster or blog, i found out that many of my pals broke up with their guyfriends. at the same time, a pastor brought up a good point during the sermon last sunday.

when you are listening to your significant other's woes, do you quickly try to resolve the problem? or do you simply listen to her? sometimes a woman just wants you to listen. so maybe you men should just ask you ladies this question before she starts firing up with the problem. 'honey, do you want me to listen or give my opinion?'

i think that works fairly well. considering we ladies tend to keep things to ourselves. (and let disappointment engulf ourselves) this lets the man understand your feelings and at the same time, you don't feel like you're initiating something that he is supposed to do.

cool eh?

goodbye, mrs serene ng :(

just skimmed through jl's blog when it came to my attention that our sec 3 math teacher had passed away 2 days ago due to giving birth complications.

mrs ng, may you rest in peace. god bless!

hooked by desperate housewives!

it's funny how your preoccupied thoughts caused you to entertain yourself and eventually end up watching the entire series of desperate housewives in 3 days! yeah, that's me, the guilty fellon. it's been a year and a half since i last watched the ladies and the 1st episode definitely caught my attention. you know... all the gossips, wrong perceptions, impulsive actions, and not to mention all the exaggerated romance. made me feel like i had a pat on my back coz i wasn't as silly as anyone of them. but that cheered me up. slightly picked myself up to be strong again. so is this how i am supposed to make myself feel better? by snickering at others' ludicrous actions? thank god it's just a tv series. otherwise, i would have been so caught up in it. the next series is coming this september 20th. i do hope i will have something on that day. new dosage of desperate housewives should be set aside to be effectively used for my future mood-swing periods.

oh ya, thanksgiving is going to be quite a festive coz tiffo (the owner of bunny-that-smells-so-good) will be coming to la for a visit. hurray! need to save more money! the vicious cycle with money comes again coz i'll be traveling to somewhere exotic (ask me for details) this december. can't hardly wait! made me think back of my secondary 2 year in which we were supposed to make this mega joint design-and-technology, home economics, and art project. i decided to prepare a pizza for the home economics part, do a shading of the tupperware of the shape of mickey mouse for the rest of the subjects. and the tupperware was designed with this quote: 'good food, good friends, good place, let's eat!' how true is that?

by the way, i am so happy that mike delfino and susan myers are finally together! :P

same old, same old

i am chatting with my cous who is doing her graduate studies in u of minnesota. hmmm...not that i am judging her, but after 10 years of knowing her, she still hasn't changed at all! i used to suppress my feelings, try not to grit my teeth while talking to her. and then there came a period of time in which i felt like telling her off that i simply didn't like her. that i was done with her and i didn't want to see her face. ever. again. but i realized that's wrong. so i resorted to talking to small group friends instead. it helped a great deal to talk to people whom you're most comfy with. and then i learned to forgive. but over time due to parents' hearsay about how great she was and all that, i had the same deja vu intolerant attitude.

so i dared myself to initiate a conversation with her through msn after she sent me a friendster message a few days ago. all about me, me, me. and yes, i was trying not to grit my teeth. and then something hit my puny head. hard. real hard. and in fact, this thing has been hitting my head since i talked to my small group buddies, or firo, or dear roommie, or han. a person who is all about me, or who tries to gain people's attention, is a person who has plenty of insecurities. and i, being infuriated by a person's insecurities? i am insecured myself! oh. my. goodness! silly old me!

change within a person comes from the person herself. what you have to do is show her god's grace. ask why she does things in certain manner. direct her toward the right path. pray for her. and not pray for yourself for trying to like her. if you're doing the latter, you're being selfish. the gospel isn't about self-help. it's about showing god's love for anyone. even your enemies.

i am relieved. and freed. am also glad that i found a home church. (the pastor's wife's name is melissa! kakaka) happy to have found a good friend. certainly delighted to meet my cousin (another one) and yes, my phone has signal in the apartment! what more can i ask? :P

onecard

one of these days, i am so going to lose my student id. indeed, there's a purpose behind naming our student id onecard. it's the one card that allows you to buy anything in school just by 1 swipe. (yep, without any authorization. well, there's a picture of ya on it. but it's still not very helpful) it's also the one and only access to my apartment. well, there's an additional security of a password. otherwise, this campus is going to be a pandemonium.

i have to admit that it's quite frightening to own it. it's just a piece of card, not a collection of keys. if you grab it, soon enough you will forget that you're holding it. you might drop it on the way to school. i've tried to put it in my purse. not a good idea. what happens if i lose my entire wallet? not only do i lose my driver's license and credit cards, i would lose the access to the one place that i feel safe. so i decided to use a cardholder to keep it. still not quite a good idea. the cardholder is still so slim that it can sneak beneath my daily planner or textbooks. i am starting to run out of ideas. but if it's inevitable, i will just use a passholder and hang it over my neck. in the meantime, i am still using the cardholder. i just make a point to myself each day that once i arrive home, the cardholder should go right back to my bagpack.

with regards to my loss of memory over where i put my stuff, i am beginning to accept the fact that my memory power has deteriorated. and it does bother me a lot. sometimes i would ask myself some trivia questions which i could easily answer 2 years back. but it's completely blank now. once i read cnn's article about fidel castro. i definitely knew where he came from. it's starting with the letter c. but what's that country's name? argh!!! it's killing me. and i decided to cut the chase and googled it down. relief immediately surged through me when i found out that it's cuba.

friends, it's not only that. it took me sometime to even remember names of people i just knew this summer. (and all this while i kept complaining that my 81-year-old granpa always repeated himself!) and yes, i am ashamed of that. but i am willing to learn it the hard way. i would cringe and ponder about it. (i thought about the name of one of the teletubbies characters for a night. it didn't resurface that day. instead, it suddenly popped up in my mind a couple of days later) just in case if you are having the same problem as i am, here's a good head start: try to remember the first letter of that particular name or object. once, i completely forgot where my friend, sam, came from. and as soon as i found out it's ecuador, i just stored the first alphabet, e into my brain. whenever i recall back about this, i could immediately know it's ecuador. try it! i don't know about the effectiveness of ginko biloba, but i think i need to consume some of it.

mom gave me this big jar of fiber to be consumed before sleeping so that my digestion system would be clean. (well, there's another reason besides that: my shape that has become more voluptious these days worried her) as it turned out, i think i completely lose my appetite. nothing tastes good! threw the noodles that i bought from the indonesian restaurant. cooked a little to stock up for the next few days, but the tupperwares went untouched. i'm starting to doubt this fiber thing. don't tell me it not only makes me lose my appetite, but also my memory. gosh! i'm definitely paranoid!

but regardless of the fiber or the memory loss, i am happy to say that i am in touch with books again! such a pity that i didn't read amy tan's books before her visit to purdue last november. she's a brilliant writer! she describes the chinese cultures and traditions so vividly in her plots in such a way that you can instantly nod in unison. i don't like to say this, but i am blessed to be born in this generation of chinese family. my family's conservative thinking annoys me from time to time, but if i were born 80 years ago, there's no way i could even have a dinner with a guy friend. gasp! praise god that it's an era of globalization.

and out of boredom, i traced back some emails from a few friends. i learned a lot about how ignorant i was. i once told han that it would take him an extra mile to please my family because of his look. man! what a hurtful comment! it's good that he didn't scurry away. and yes, i learned to forgive. the friend that drifted apart? i emailed her and asked how she was doing. i do hope she will reply. wow. there is only 1 word to describe these circumstances: sankofa. (a word that i learned from st. louis urban project) it's a swahili word meaning 'looking back in order to go forward.'

hmmm...how true that is.

and yes, i had to look through my citylights folder to recall the word 'sankofa'. time for me to use the technique that i told you about. s...s...s!

los angeles

school starts today and my first class will be in 1 1/2 hour's time.

how's la, you may ask. i am still not used to the traffic. it's a good decision that i decided to live on campus. where 1 end of the campus to another end is only 15 minutes away. campus is a lot smaller than that of purdue. where each department is isolated from the rest of lmu. everytime i ask where i shall inquire for fees, all of them will direct me to the student accounts department. all my classes are in the evenings and i spend a lot of time in the study abroad office in the mornings.

yes, there's indonesian store and i've eaten in an indonesian restaurant. am getting used to having a roommie in my room. she's majoring in screenwriting, an unusual person who gets up early in the morning and jogs, (or maybe she's jetlagged since she just flew down from connecticut 3 days ago) who listens to classical music, yet presents herself like a gothic chick. the other roommies? nice peeps from midwest area as well. (haha! sudden surge of people moving to west coast after their undergrad) in fact, jenn used to be an engineer and she is in mba program! too many coincidences!

oh ya, i might have to switch service provider in a week's time. cingular apparently doesn't raise the bar in our apartment (which is located in basement area) and mom's going to pounce on me if i don't pick up the phone all the time. might get the chance to meet with my penpal whom i've never met all this while.

in conclusion, the transition's not as hard as my move to london 2 years back. but am still wondering why people are so nice in a big metropolitan city like la? i shall find the answer soon enough.

good start!!!

heard from all sources that granpa is a tough cookie to work with, but everything went well!!! i was a little sleepy after lunch, but talking to granpa and the co-workers definitely helped curb my sleepiness. hmmm...granpa's deterioration in memory and hearing actually worries me. he could ask the same question 3 times within the span of 45 minutes! but thank goodness i made out this game of remembering all his 13 grandchildren. and he seemed to enjoy it! am gonna do that tomorrow. i want him to start remembering some of his grandchildren whom he comes into contact everyday. (and yes, i am glad to say that he remembers all four of us who live under same roof as he does)

i still need to do the cross-stitched bookmark. am getting lazy to do it these days. and another good news---ci pie2, an old pal of mine, will be in town during the weekend. yeee haw!!! finally a conversation with somebody whom i haven't talked to for ages. oh yaaa...i was reading gerald's cous' blog. am so thankful that she finally realizes what priorities come first.

i am definitely very joyful now. but i think i need to spend some quality time with sis. she's going through this rebellious phase and i want to be there for her. oh ya...a candid shot of myself doing some thinking. cool eh?

lost my collection of letters

i always make a point to revisit my old drawer whenever i am home. it brings so many good old memories and no doubt my mind will wander off to those times. but i was frustrated to find my collection of letters which i have kept since 1996 was gone! totally disappeared without a trace! mad at mom for moving my stuff from 1 drawer to another. mad at myself for letting the bag of letters be gone. argh! friendship letters, birthday cards, encouragement postcards...where art thou??? they may not mean much to anybody in the house, but i do treasure each one of them. bah! can't stop grieving over them.

at the same time, my heart isn't at rest. i keep on hoping, to the point of obsession. i know it's not going to happen, but why do i keep on yearning for it fervently? glad that mom and pop are gone for 2 days. i can make myself busy in the store and try to set aside all these pestering thoughts.

it's weird how human beings think. when we're stuck in a moment, we want to get out of it as soon as possible. but when it's over, we want to revisit it again. right now, how i wish i were in st louis, spending every minute with my citylights mates. true, there is drama, there is tension, and i can't help to be frustrated from time to time. but i can completely feel His presence among my teammates, gerry, or the kids i worked with. now that i am in an environment whereby many people don't know Him, my faith seems to be staggering. Lord, let me know You are here. I need ya desperately.

the face of exuberant fresh graduate :P

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do the only thing you could do --
determined to save the only life you could save.

-Mary Oliver

what next?

as i am really really approaching the last few days of my college years, i'm taking a risk again. i decided not to buy a plane ticket home. there's this 7-week program called citylights in st. louis, missouri, in which the people taking part will be building churches, getting used to the daily life of people in lower social class, and interacting with those who are less fortunate than them. i think this is a good opportunity for me to get the feel of how it's like to be one of them. it will open my eyes to see what areas i shall pursue to help those needy people back in indo. so far, firos told me that all positions for the program have been filled, but the director mentioned that there might be a withdrawal. i do hope he will give me a call soon.

mom and dad will be coming this weekend! so excited!!! yes, i think i will return home even if i get accepted by this program. mom's very particular about me going home every holiday, and i shall listen since it makes her happy. well, at the same, i get to see my bro and sis, one of the things aside of food and relaxation time to look forward to.

anyway, mel's having these mixed feelings about parting goodbye again. the senior banquet last week really gave me a sense of belonging to che. i am so gonna miss that dirty computer lab. the huge g140 lecture note. hillhouse and his theory of condensation through the example of making out. (ask me for details) my dynamic senior design team. kim. megan. (feel sad for her sis' death :( but am glad that she was fine when i saw her during the banquet) one last chance to see these wonderful people, that is on the commencement day. and i am not sure whether we shall meet again.

here are some pics to make you guys laugh! two of the seniors' masterpieces to make fun of our professors. enjoy!

seeing things in a big picture

my rocky relationship with chemical engineering is about to come to an end in 3 weeks' time and the past few days have been difficult. i haven't been able to sleep well, and i feel that i haven't been able to contribute to my senior design group as much as my teammates.

you know how i detest the groupthink concept while being in a group. you think that there are 4 people in your group and thus you decide to slack off coz your effort to the group is intagible anyway. i was happy to be in a dynamic team in which this was the very first time we did a project for 14 straight hours with pulled determination to get it done early. but as the second project progresses, i feel that i actually adapt the groupthink concept. another thing that tickles me is the fact that my fundamental knowledge on separation and heat and mass transfer is terrible. i am petrified to do the flowsheets on my own, afraid that i would make stupid mistakes of unit conversion or mass balance errors. that's why i choose to stick to economic analysis. and i think that it's not very fair for the other 3 teammates who already work so hard for the main gees of the project---the flowsheet design.

anyway, aside of the demoralization over my lack of contribution to the senior design team, i was also apprehended by the senior lab work. again, i never regretted my decision of going to england for my junior year, but i missed out a great deal of real life applications of what i learned in third year. uk's education system doesn't shape you to become a great chemical engineer. you are spoon-fed with a chunk of information in which you will just throw out during the finals. you don't have to remember a thing after that and sadly, information is lost coz your memory space isn't that much anyway. back to senior design lab, after jake's (my teammate, who's the leader this time) oral presentation, our supervisor actually told us that we had a lot of work to do, though we were on the right track. kim (another teammate) suggested that we should meet sometime the next day to work on the design, (just my part actually, but she wanted to ensure that everybody could help me in any means) but jake immediately dismissed the idea, saying that we still had a week and a half to think about it.

i was a little appalled when kim actually told jake off that she and i wanted to get this report done asap, so that we could work on our senior design without having to juggle between the two. i never saw anybody who would defend me and try to help me out as much other than nors. the next day, (which is today) jake didn't come to the meeting. we progressed a lot and that actually gave me hope that i could do well for this report. by the end of the meeting, i asked kim why she wanted to stay back and help me in the design, while she could just choose to walk away and not worry about me. her reply actually touched me.

"you helped me out so much in the last report. without you, i don't think i could finish it."

the thing is that i didn't help her that much. i just did some of her sections regarding safety issues of the process and proof-read her section. wow! how amazing how little thing that you do which gives such a deep impact to others. this gives me hope to rekindle my relationship with chemical engineering.

on another note, my organizational behavior class was talking about stress management yesterday. hmmm...if i think of my life in a big picture for the time being, i realize that god has been providing me in so many ways. he makes me go through late nights working on those excel spreadsheets. he tells me how i should cope on my stressors. and best part of all, he gives me encouragement and resources through my dynamic senior design teammates and of course, kim. oh ya...not forgetting nors' easter card which brightened my day yesterday.

reminds me of my small group's inductive bible study last weekend. it's psalm 23.

"...though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil. for you are with me. your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

now do you guys see how he actually shows me the big picture?

a touch of insensitivity

there's a very thin line between being insensitive and frank. and i finally learned about this concept today.

i normally snap at people who have differing opinions from mine, which most of the time i don't quite regret doing. but i felt a jab of guilt when i did this today. i knew i was wrong, yet i dared not apologize. my words were sharp. and i am sure that most close pals totally understand me. but i wonder how much frustration they have to go through. a few people confronted me about this, and i tried to be better. but it seems that anything that will actually touch my sensitive feelings, i would retort back with words that are so indespicable. this is a vicious cycle. snap, regret, normal, back to being snappy again. am glad that i recognized this problem now.

and another thing that i hate about myself: bad-mouthing. come on! this is the stage of my life in which this sort of childish behavior shall be exterminated. i love moa2 to death. i just hate her negativity. she seems to suck all my energy and her dramatization just shuts me down once she talks about something incessantly. and i tried to tell her. but she's really good at arguments and i've given up to tell her the other side of the story. so my last resort? i bad-mouthed her to davido, which is a terrible, terrible idea for davido is our good pal. i could choose to keep quiet and bury all these details to myself. but a part of me has erupted, wanting to have somebody who understood moa2 well to be on my side. what an evil being i am. and there's weird complication like love triangle tale which doesn't make sense. i can't seem to be honest to both parties. this is definitely driving me crazy!

i need to get back to my hermit shell. not in terms of my social life, for i've already gone sabbatical for a while. i just need to keep my mouth shut and be a better listener. i never want to be a two-faced and it sucks when you do that from time to time.

reminiscing the good old times

i was killing time before my 0430 class when i browsed through my picture folder. wow. church friend's wedding picture back in 2004. orlando trip *again* back in 04. yongma's baby picture. my dramatic performance in indofest when i was a sophomore. (and my one and only major contribution to the indonesian student association here) and i can see how i've changed over the period of 3 to 4 years. i used to be friendly to everyone. i could deal with small talks with anybody under the sun. now, ask me to interact with people i hardly know and i will sulk. and i've loosened up a little bit. i used to be so easily disappointed by people for the fact that i was a people-pleaser and i did expect something back. i learned to let go. granted, my friends have dwindled over the years, but i am so very glad that i've kept some of the most precious one.

so, is this a bad change? i gotta say for the most part of it, i am okay. i decided not to go for the mass graduation dinner thing for the fact that i do not know 3/4 of the people in the ball room. selfish? yes. i'd rather spend money on those who personally know me. i do need to work on being the active one to approach people once in a while, instead of just waiting to be called on. i kinda pity qing who's been trying real hard to try to talk to me. i'm not quite making excuses to myself to be active, but this is my last semester, in which i wanna spend my time with dearest ones. and she always thinks that i am not participating much in icf. argh!!!

and i managed to call a pen pal of mine whom i've been writing to both online and offline, yet never met at all. i was afraid that i would run out of topics, but boy...we clicked on really well. i do hope that i'll get to see pau soon. i am sure we'll talk relentlessly until the dusk sets in.

and yes, i thank you guys for the friendship that's been lasting for at least 3 years or so. you guys are great :)

valentine's day!!!

yesterday morn's snow storm caused school to be cancelled for a day. the good news: my exam's postponed till thursday. considering i haven't finished studying for it, i am definitely thankful. :P bad news: well, not much actually. except for the fact that i have to shovel the snow off bb when i take him out tomorrow. hope the weather's conducive enough for me to drive around.

so what's my plan for v'day? hmmm...both cheetah and i have already laid the best plan. we're planning to go for a dinner (restaurant---still not decided yet) and then off we go to catch the hugh grant-drew barrymore movie. haven't seen him in any movies for a while. ah, sexy british accent, i like! plan might be postponed to thursday, but ah...i don't care. let's cut some lax on this overly exaggerated 'holiday'. everyday's love day. you can share your care and love to anyone. there's no need for chocs or flowers. (1 stalk will do :P)

when the first hour on the 14th started, bunzit gave me a call, wishing me happy valentine's day. told him, neh...i don't celebrate v'day. most important dates are birthday and christmas. those are the true occasions which are worth celebrating and yes, i am always overjoyed!!! talk about how unromantic i can get, yes...i am the 'man'!!!

and yes, another important occasion is coming up: the lovely chinese new year! time to call up all aunts and uncles and wish them good health and much prosperity in the coming year of pig! bah, i am positive that my calling card will take several attempts to finally get through. many people overseas call home on this big day. and yes!!! i am gonna have 2 celebrations--1 with roommie and close pals. the other one will be with the icf gang. time to cook, have a bit of chit chat, and enjoy the spring festival in this cold weather. hopefully, no blizzard.

i am beginning to like 2007 already.

insulated window

my heater's located directly under the window panel. which is right under my bed. that's not just the cause of why my room's really cold despite the high temperature i've set the heater to. i've tried to bait the 'belts' of the window into the boundary of the panel, but to no avail. alas, there's a small gap where all the cold air enters and i end up sleeping with socks and 2 layers of blankets. just right after i cleaned up the house, i realized that i still got some unused towels, courtesy to dear roommie. decided to push em in between the panel and the window and i am enjoying the pleasure of warmer and more conducive bedroom. haha!

dreamed about my ex-classmates in cedar. i've been wondering where christina tan and ling fang went to after secondary school. anybody have any idea where they are? i didn't bother searching on friendster. oh ya, and grace chen too! i know that she went to ntu and she used to have this email with elmoblues in it. anybody wanna help me get her email address? i want to be in touch with her. time does make you nostalgic about school days 5 years ago. but the sad part is that it's pretty hard to meet up with all of em. they're scattered all over indo or singapore and my holidays are relatively short.

anyway, superbowl's on tomorrow! i shall take side on the colts. it's the fight between the midwest teams!

cold cold february

january started out bleak, didn't even have the mood to go to school...and then came the turning point in which i decided to pick myself up and get my gears going. am thankful that i am given smart yet supportive senior lab partners. imagine never taken the pre-requisite class (i took first part of senior lab in london. totally different format compared to the one here) and you are supposed to know everything from the previous class. i was totally clueless. dreaded that 0730 class, but my partners were understanding and there came a point in which i felt terrible. i used to whine about working with a group of people who totally rely on you...and now the person who's doing this is me. now that i got the feel of what senior lab is all about, (the thought of me presenting about the experiment makes me quiver) i shall make more effort! shall not let my teammates down.

good news: this weekend's gonna be a good one. yes, for the fact that last week's the busiest week so far. finally finito all the applications to schools. (am anxious coz i pine my future on this) had my 2 exams, and i finally hit the gym! the cardio blast was intense, but i have committed on attending it once a week. it not only makes me feel good that i start exercising, both roommie and i do hope we shall get back in shape later.

you know, i have this good friend who keeps on whining about everything that shatters in her life, especially her love life. granted, she's 25 and that's a red signal blaring for lotsa single women. the thing is...she wants an instant relationship, one that transitions from friends to boyfriend-girlfriend and then to fiancees (yes, she got engaged once) in a matter of months. but here's another catch, not that i am being judgmental. she's not too attractive physically. and she doesn't learn from her past. over and over again, guys will ditch her after several dates, disappeared without any trace. there are several possibilities to why this happens:

1. she might be too aggresive. guy becomes intimidated and turns around
2. guy just wants somebody for his physical needs. once done, she's dumped
3. maybe guy never really takes any interests in her. from what she told me, these guys were keen in knowing her better. but i guess i can't trust on her words. she tends to twist and turn the stories around.

anyway, not that i am complaining, but my spring break's fate will be based on her well being. i am heading to her place and i just hope that the one week visit will not be therapy sessions in which i will keep repeating the same old advice. it is indeed funny how some people don't change after the same old problems. don't you think this is counter intuitive enough that you know what you should do? some people just sink into the same well over and over again while there are still a thousand miles to go. how are you supposed to move on? i know it's unfair that people should think the way that i think. (being realistic, not in terms of other things) but i just want to ease up their pains. why is it so hard to do?

i shall finish up 1 book. there are 2 others screaming to be read. yes, yes, i won't let you guys turn mouldy. bookworm time :)

procedures to getting mel a gift

neh, didn't mean to post this days before my birthday. but i discovered that people tend to give me things which are not closely associated to me. not that i am a picky gift-taker. neither do i assume that many people know me very well. but i believe that gifts should be things that can be utilized by the person who receives em. i know i may sound unappreciative, but i can bluntly tell you that i would love to use things given my pals that would go a long way. temporary memorable things are definitely welcome. but here are some guidelines in terms of what and why i prefer certain things:

1. i love cards. especially written with sincerity, if possible specifying certain memories we have in the past. i have collected letters and cards since i was ten. though i don't read em often, they would take me back to when i was younger and how certain conflicts which may seem trivial right now were taken seriously. to the times when i felt that friendship was all pure and no dirt. to the times when innocence was still clouding over me and we would tell each other frankly about anything under the sun.

2. soft toys are no no! not that i despise these cuties. it's just that i don't seem to make good use of em. i will be excited the day i receive it, but by day 2, it'll be either lying in dismay on the side of my bed or it will up for display in the living room. yes, i have never been a good soft toy owner. and since i am nomadic, most of the time they will stay behind at the last city i was in. oh gosh, i am really mean!

3. no expensive gifts too! or else i would feel that i owe you something pricey. well, i am not on tight budget all the time. but when i buy something for a person, i would find something that would best define the person. and these things may or may not be pricey. so, a big no to expensive gifts!

4. living on this world for almost 21 years, well-equipped and healthy, is already the greatest gift given by god. i think gifts that come from human beings should be in the form of unconditioned love. you care for your friends. you give em encouragements when they are down. you give em compliments when they succeed. it's not easy being far from home since 10 years ago. but you, pals, you've taught me lessons of life. you've given me listening ears when i am in need. and i think that's the best gift you could ever give for me.

5. still confused? you might be thinking? hmmm...i don't need to give mel anything then. she's already satisfied with everything she has and she may not approve anything that i give to her. well, partially true. except that it will be best to email or call her during these specific special days. :P she loves knowing how you are doing and realizing that you still have not forgotten her.

lastly, the big question: (hahaha, some guys may wonder about this) should i give her flowers? the answer is...it all depends on the situation. if you're giving her a bouquet of 99 roses on v day, (i still have no idea why it has to be 99 stalks) though you might be a special person in my heart, i may not approve it. why? it's too costly. yes, you're giving the florist a huge profit, but these things do not last. and yes, i will be touched on day 1. by the time they start withering, the first thing that will come to my mind will be what should i do with em? i am not going to hang em upside down with tapes. it's a waste of time. they might be off to the bin anytime soon. a stalk of flower as an encouragement, a congratulation note, is definitely welcome. i think most guys think that since i am a tomboy, i would not want to receive even a single flower. answer is no. i still have 40-50% girly elements in me. as long as it comes with sincerity, you have scored the jackpot. (well, i have to admit if the people who give me these are persistent people who try to seek for my attention, i will not be too pleased either)

so the main point is that, please do not feel burdened about finding me anything. a card, followed by a phone call (especially from old old pals whom i haven't kept in touch with for a long time) already make my smile linger for the whole day.

ps: i don't mean to offend anybody here. it's just a personal thought :)

a new year!

my stomach twitches. the past few days have been a whirl. i made a decision in which i still frequently regret. i came back to purdue, having this homesickness surging through me. this holiday has been the most meaningful one of all. i could finally talk to sis heart to heart. every night spent by listening to music, snatching cellphone away from each other, reading, sharing. ah...how i miss her. lil bro is growing up too. i hardly saw him at home, for he was practising for his marching band competition. was blessed that i could see him perform. i was certainly hopeful that his band would reach final before i took off. they were small soldiers, armed with instruments, fearlessly performing what they had practised for the past 3 weeks. but they lost. and i grieved for that. but big bro's right. yongma needs to be taught a lesson of failure. not that he's arrogant, everything just seems to be within his grasp. maybe that's because our economic background has gotten better over the years. he is used to getting what he wants. i just hope that he will not give up on marching band. instead, this should spurt him into having determination to perform better next year.

mom has made a shocking confession too. i finally realized why she can be too controlling at times. she has been an iron lady, and yes, it may be wrong that she throws it all to us kids. but i think there is a certain limit of perserverance that a person can go about. and i applaud mom for staying strong. i am thankful that i have the opportunities to go see places. i sincerely hope that i will be able to put off her burden when i am done with studies later.

aside of that, a friend has shown some interests on me. i didn't know about this until i opened the box that he gave to me. in it, are all the things, practical things, that are remedies to what i have mentioned briefly to him. was flattered that a boy could remember every word that i said. but am not interested in any romance right now. i need to pull myself altogether. the homesickness. the remorse feeling that i have been having from time to time. and i definitely need to focus. it's my last semester after all. i want to finish what i have started off 4 years ago well.

and, on a more cheerful note, may everybody have a good year ahead :)

bb's sick...again!

bb a.k.a dearest car went unconscious again. 2nd time in 2 months! i think i didn't let the engine heat up long enough before starting off. time to call the tow truck company again and visit the dealer. i am getting curious on how to handle bb. i did take good care of it everytime i took it out. yes, i do drive recklessly from time to time, but never do i intentionally brake out of a sudden unless when the traffic light changes color from yellow to red out of the blue. actually, i did have some premonitions about the same incident going on. i noticed that sometimes its sensor beeped though bb wasn't even close to an object. a month ago, a brake could sometimes cause bb to actually accelerate forward a bit. i need to take care of bb from now on! promise b, will at least heat you up for 10 minutes from now on. no more 3rd time on your dead battery. besides, i need to hand you over to davido. i don't want him to panick during the hols.

you know, i used to be so scared that i wouldn't be able to get good pals in che department after i got back from london. i didn't want to start off feeling like a freshman, friendless and lost. however, 4 months have passed and i have found tremendous joy in my fellow classmates. it started when i partnered with meg for my project class. through meg, i got to know almost 3/4 of people in the class, some are funny, some are brainy, some are enjoyable to talk to. i have to say, trying to adapt myself to american culture is much easier than that of uk. maybe that's the difference between a college town and a metropolitan city. people may be selfish in new york too. who knows? :P i think i am planning to go to another small city for my grad school. not that i want to get an easy way out. a big city equals mel wandering around, not studying. not good considering parents pay a huge amount of money to send me here.

anyhow, after years of trying to consistently search for god, i've finally found the happiness of walking together with him. tasks are things that i enjoy doing, no longer things that i complain. when obstacles come, my perserverance motives aren't to stay strong and console myself . instead, to find joy behind those obstacles and walk through them without any burdens on my back. i am able to talk to people that i used to not like without feeling like these people are so despicable. life has become more meaningful and beautiful. well, you guys might think...ah this is just a typical confession of a christian to try to 'recruit' us. well, it is not. when you live in god-centered world, you aren't burdened by worldly materials or people. there's no superficial standard to follow, but his powerful words to heed for. it's so amazing!

time to say goodbye to firos and dita soon. :( having them really helps me get back on my feet. thanks, guys! oh ya...forgot to tell you guys that i will be accompanying dita to drive to orlando, florida early this january. her mom doesn't allow her to drive for 16 hours or so alone. it's gonna be a cool road trip!!! woo hoo!!!

christmas is just around the corner

i am not an extraordinary writer. but i love writing. you just have to sit down, think of what to write, and start typing. i am thinking of making a submission for exponent's end-of-semester literacy issue. hmmm...still not quite sure on what to write, but if i don't have enough time, i will send one of my blog entries which i found to be quite inspiring.

and...christmas is just around the corner!!! i've been humming christmas tunes. am listening to instrumental version of white christmas. loving it! i remember spending christmas somewhere in austria last year. felt pretty empty coz i normally went for our family gathering, and then had some quality time with cousins, not forgetting the solo performance on 1 christmas song. yes, pretty embarrassing, for i do not have such a wonderful voice, but hey...you get to flaunt off your vocal talent only once a year.

aside of that, i shall not look too far ahead to christmas. thanksgiving is just in...let me see...5 days' time! planning to have the traditional american feast, but i think it's still questionable coz leaders' meeting is going to be held on thursday. not many people may turn up since they'll be busy preparing for the meeting. and i don't want to be left with plenty of turkey to be eaten for the rest of the week. the drowsy effect is unpleasant.

shopping? yesss!!! am planning to buy some body splash for sis who's stepping into adulthood and is curious about beauty products. aside of that, time to relax with my 'family' out here. :)

daylight saving time

today's the second day the clock's turned back by an hour. and it seemed so bright at 0715 in the morn! was glad that i could 'gain' an extra hour of sleep on the first day daylight saving time took effect. not bad! :D

anyway, been detached from this blog for quite a bit. went to do some stuff that i have been dying to do before i graduate:

1. attend amy tan's book signing. yes, she's at purdue. yes, shame on me for not reading any of her books before. (well, i did watch her joy luck club movie) yes, i have bought her book. and yes, another shame on me for not touching it despite having it for almost 2 weeks.

2. trip to cedar point. this is the best amusement park i've ever visited! the rides are all equally good! you name any scariest rollercoaster rides, they have it. go before winter starts. they only open during weekends during this period, but less people come. but, do bring your hoody and never wear slippers! (don't be like me. barefeet while being swung about in the air)

3. pumpkin carving! kaka! trick is to ensure that you remove all the pumpkin fillings coz they make carving difficult. here's my prized possession:

4. cooked some interesting indonesian delicacies. we've tried croquettes, risoles, bola-bola, pastel, cold roll. frankly speaking, i am done with deep frying. kitchen's become so sticky. and found sesame bagel with garlic cream cheese to be utterly heaven!

5. got to know my small group girls better. hmmm...interesting to see how each individual differs from another. ii is sometimes afraid of not saying things right. qing knows the clear line between right and wrong, but sometimes she can be slightly aggressive. nini chooses her principles by trials and errors and how i always yearn to be (sorta) the center of attention. we have a long way to learn about one another, but am glad that there's no superficiality.

other than that, there are some good news too:

1. granpa's become great granpa. greato! i do hope his spirit of life will be improving coz he's been negative thinking for the past 3 years.

2. guyfriend's starting to open up. i know i can be harsh at times whenever somebody needs comfort. i need to be able to offer advice, yet make the person feel better, instead of even worse.

3. mom's finally gone to zhong guo, the first overseas trip since 2004! she did need some relaxation. i would have gone nuts if i were at home the whole lot of time, just concentrating on work and kids. hah! am looking forward to having my 4 kids.

4. was being really positive towards uncle and family when they were here at purdue. despite their curious nature, (which normally irritates me easily) i was able to carry myself well. great job, mel!

happy halloween, everybody!

sis' birthday!

happy 15th birthday, sis! love you always. you're one of a kind, and boy...i am so grateful to have you. you show me how to be patient, you appreciate my opinions and take them into considerations, and you're fun! hope nasi tumpeng is coming on your way :P (though i won't be able to savour it with ya)

on a side note, remember how parents keep on telling you to concentrate on studies first and not really have a boyfriend during your high school year? (which eventually stretches all the way to college) i think they're right. relationship does take a lot of time. you only have 24 hours a day. school takes about 5 hours per day, left with 19 hours. additional studying outside of school requires about an hour per day. that will be about 4 extra hours, subtracting that from the remaining hours, we only have 15 hours left. and don't forget about spending your leisure time, or cooking, or having an extra task such as doing a project which shall take care of another 5 hours. and you need 8 hours of sleep everyday. you only have 2 hours, which are intangible hours that you have no clue what you spend on. in my case, i watch king of queens reruns at 2 am most of the time

and let's compare it with a person whose boyfriend is indeed physically there. it's a basic fundamental rule to meet each other at least once a day. some even go to an extreme that they should even meet each other for lunch in school. after school? let's study together, in which 3 out of the 5 hours are unproductive because he's your boyfriend. unless you guys are at least 100 meters away, it's barely possible for you to focus on your work, coz you keep on thinking, duh! it's bf right in front of us. tired of school work, let's just talk about life. by the end of the night, not only are you behind your readings, (well, you gain better understanding about your counterpart, a plus point) you panic that you don't have enough prep for the test in 2 days. that proves one point: relationship does make your time management skill suck.

yes, i sorta regretted for jumping into a relationship in which the timing wasn't perfect. (it's sophomore year and i gotta take thermodynamics and organic chemistry) not that i am cocky, but i am sure that i wouldn't have to take organic chemistry 2 if i did focus on it. first, it's already a fact that my understanding on all these alkene, pyridine stuff wasn't all that great. added with my lack of interest to pursue this further, i was not only behind...but way back to the extent that i was the last few people in class who had no absolute clue about what fuchs talked about. ahhh...people would normally say this once the outcome's done: how i wish i had ... (fill in the blank) in my case, i don't have any remorse feeling. yes, i will take organic chemistry 2 next semester, along with my senior design project, lab and separation class. quite a heavy load of work i assume i'll be having. but boy, am i glad that i come to realize about the conflict of time management with relationship.

distance sets two persons apart, which is both pro and con. on one hand, i am able to pursue what i want to do. no need to reserve a time slot in which we shall have boyfriend girlfriend rituals. reading ahead of class is something that i finally got to do this semester. and guess what! i am finally reading materials that i used to love! (not just textbooks) yeah, nostalgic moments do happen from time to time, especially when you look at other couples on campus. but he raised a good point a few days ago: will our feelings be gone considering we only meet once a year? i really have no idea. i've been so driven by school that he's slightly off my priority list. do i care about him? of course i do. but friends can care for each other right? there's no difference between friends and special friend then. why bother having a relationship?

coz i want to feel special in the eyes of that somebody, not just as a friend. well, certainly, if you feel that you guys have nothing in common anymore, then it's better to drop it. it's of no use to continue a relationship that's not developing, but deteriorating. people get together because they share common values. he feels that you fill in his gaps, while he covers for yours. but once 2 people are set apart, (especially when the cultures are completely different) their mind sets might be heavily influenced by their surroundings to the extent that you feel things might not be the same anymore. in this case, both of you shall consider whether it's time to move on or stay strong.

i'm not quite sure how mine is working now. before he raised that concern, i didn't think of it much. now that it's brought up, i'm bothered. but i still want to be the special one in his eyes. so, i guess i'm just having my girly emotional side kicking in then. whatever the outcome of this is going to be, i think i shall do just fine. :P

funny little sis

found her blog from friendster and i had a look at it. oh my! darn funny! here's an excerpt:

funny things happened today.....on "pengembangan diri" lesson,the sister gave us a song....there was a part of that song that sounds(what is berbunyi in english???):SAILING SAILING HOME (3x)and....u know, my father's name is CELING.....and it sounds almost the same...so the boys sang that part more loudly than othe parts of that song....funny isn't it......hahaa...dad, you're popular among my friends....even they give you a cool nickname: WOLVERINE!!!(because of ur "jambang") hahaaaaand hans created a song titled cingcangCELING!!! (from a sundanese song titled CINGCANGKEULING)....but it's ok.....when they tease me....it means that they care about me.....that's why, i've never been angry to someone who teased me.......dgn syarat, ngledeknya msh normal.....bkn nyindir.......weks!!!!

wah! she's full of life. i am glad of her. i thought under mom's totalitarian parenting, she's quiet and submissive. but i guess i didn't know her well enough. i can't hardly wait for her to come to us and talk to her everyday. it'll be marvellous!

no man is an island

just talked to my mom and she told me about big brother who just got to beijing. being an individualistic, he immediately resented the idea of meeting up with our cous, who is currently studying at qing hua. (who happens to be 3 years younger than him too) and guess what? he realized that he had no clue about beijing, so he did eventually get in touch with culim and finally did get some insights about where to eat, where to shop, where to get good deals, etc.

ah. my bro. i think in a way, i resemble him a lot. i don't like seeking help when i am in trouble. if things don't turn out right eventually, that's the very last resort whence i'll helplessly ask for help. it's kinda stupid considering you've wasted so much energy and time being so individualistic and having it your way, and it doesn't end up as what you've expected.

i've learned to soften up a bit though. when people ask me whether i need their help, most of the time they do know that i've tried my very best and am still nowhere near the solution. being stubborn can become a hindrance, but i am learning to go easy on matters. i actually love senior year. all the people try to get productive and they're more focused on work. things get done quicker and all meetings do bear some progress on our projects.

anyway, i do hope bro will change his mindset. i think it's the family thing. mom's like that, though dad's not as prideful. hmm...we got heavy influence from mom then. coz i think bro's good in terms of business techniques, but he has a long way to go in terms of people-people relationship.

commencement!

yeay! perfecto timing! i just checked bro's academic year. his commencement date's going to be may 6th next year, while mine's 5 days later! plenty of time for parents to attend both. i am so happy!!! no more weird incidents like having to renew passports and thus resulting them to miss the graduation ceremony. i have to say, i can't hardly wait for 9 more months to come. :P slight uncertainty of my future, for sure...but hey, it's my turn to finally wear that cap and gown and say halleluyah to the mighty chemical engineering.

labor day's next monday. a long weekend. a good time to relax for a bit. this week's been a hectic one. group meetings. paperwork on car to be done. gmat oh gmat. i have to start touching you if i want to go to a good business school.

missed the study abroad fair. was there on time as scheduled, but the bad weather postponed the event. the guy in charge told me it'd be good if i could come back an hour later. but full-of-excuses me decided to take 2 glorious hours of nap. been having erratic timing to sleep. don't know why i am so hyperactive at night, while i continue yawning away during classes. such a nocturnal. aside of that, work's been great. been catching up with classes. i still love marketing game. finance is still on the topic recapping the engineering economy class i took ages ago. reminds me of that ie professor whom firo and i kept on guessing on his age. nah, estimated to be 73 years old, but his movement and the way he talks just age him so much!

you know, sometimes i hate myself for giving the impression of being such an arrogant person who doesn't speak much in front of new people. but an hour or two later, after these people try to make conversations with me, i will be more comfy and share more about myself. why can't i just be outgoing from the very beginning? saves all the awkward silence right?

yard sale

yep, i participated in the yard sale this morn. pretty successful. most of the stuff desperately needed by new students were sold out quickly. there was price confusion, like selling a bunch of hangers for $5, (which didn't make sense) but everything's finally settled. rejoining permias activities was fun since i am an extrovert and i haven't really taken part in any extracurricular activities for the past 2 years. but not many people knew me. some of them even thought that i was singaporean. haha! told you guys in the previous entry. i could pass as any nationality person.

amidst my junior peers chattering and playing around with the furnitures, i felt so alone. and suddenly i just missed him a lot. i started wondering how on earth i could be by myself for a year and so now. and when i was feeling that way, my itune music was supportive towards my mood. it's playing frank sinatra's it's the way you look tonight and the duet song of barbra steisand and brian adam, i've finally found someone. haha! i guess i was feeling mellow. but remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. the fonder it is, the better. :P and better level of separation too.

and just like richard marx and donna lewis' song, at the beginning:
life is a road and i want to keep going
love is a river i wanna keep flowing
life is a road now and forever
wonderful journey

marketing class

out of the 6 classes that i am taking this semester, i truly enjoy the marketing class. the instructor is probably the best chinese teacher i've had and he allows lotsa interactions in class. (and we do interact most of the time considering participation points are included in the final grade) i think my marketing group's gonna be superb since everybody seems to get organized pretty quickly. let's make this semester a smooth-sailing one!!!

i am pretty pleased that the people that i left voice messages earlier this afternoon called me back promptly. nora's in florida right now, spending time with her columbia roommie. didn't get to cedar point last week since i was so drained out of traveling and i didn't think 11 hours of traveling on greyhound's fun.

should attempt to go for the 0730 class tomorrow. have never learned biology all my life and this is going to be a challenge. (especially for the fact that i haven't even touched the book) the aspen tutorial's postponed to tuesday, which is great news. btw, most indonesians actually don't recognize me when i am in their classes. that's interesting. i do pass as another nationality person. cheers to my tanned skin and of course my westernized sense of fashion. :P

2nd day of school!

new semester. new haircut. (which looks good :P) new bunch of people in class i have no clue about. gotta wake up early most days coz the day starts with either a 0730 or 9 am class. bro's leaving this weekend. i am hoping i could help out in permias' garage sale this friday and i might be off to indy tonight for sana's birthday celebration.

haha! lotsa info to digest right? so what's my resolution for this semester? work hard for the semester coz i am taking all elective classes. i hope they'd boost my gpa. have to start applying for mba programs. am still not ready for gmat!

virginia is just a countryside (sorry, roommie! but it doesn't really have much things. good japanese food though) but dc is a metropolitan city. (of coz, it's the capital!) was at u of maryland. yearned to go there. beautiful campus. nice gates surrounding the school. will strengthen my leg muscles if i do get accepted there. gotta go up the hill as you go for classes.

as i get to know firos better, i begin to stop gossiping about people. she makes sense. why would you talk about somebody if it's none of your business?

inner vs. outer beauty

a recent kompas reader's article triggered me to blog this. for guys, this might not affect you that much. but i am sure that all ladies out there believe that beauty is an important aspect of their lives.

so, let's start off by comparing 2 girls, one is tall, slim, has distinct features, but has foul mood. (aside of the terrible temper, she's a nice person) another girl is just a normal average girl, you won't notice her if there are a lot of people in the room, but once you talk to her, she gives you the best impression of all. smart, polite, and knows how to participate in conversations. if a guy were to choose between these two totally repelling personalities, which one do you think he will choose?

i can tell that most guys would choose the first girl. why? that's because of her outer beauty. guys think that there's nothing that could be done to the normal looking girl. she will still not be able to stand out in the crowd, while the pretty girl is still the center of attention. and another thing with guys is that they think practically. foul mood? guy believes that through progression of time, he will be able to change her and tada...what more could you ask for a girl besides outer and inner beauties?

yes, life's unfair. many of you might fall into envious mode towards those pretty friends of yours who seem to be able to get it all. that's why you shouldn't compare yourself to the normal standard of society. if you fall for that, you will never think that you're good enough for anybody. the result? you'll pull yourself into deeper misery.

you gotta know that all of us, handsome, pretty, normal looking or not-so-nice looking, will turn into wrinkly old people with no hair and no teeth 50 years down the road. no one would be outstanding then. everybody has about the same features, and why bother to get the best looking companion if everybody ends up to be the same?

granted, the pretty girls have advantages over getting more good looking guys or in some cases, both good looking and wealth-off guys. but i am sure that not all people buy the social standard. some people do look deeper into inner beauty of the opposite sex before deciding whether they want to spend their lifetime together with that person. so what should an average normal person do then, to at least survive in this double standard society?

1. do take care of your outer appearance. i am not saying that you gotta make yourself look good in front of the opposite sex, but first and foremost, you gotta ensure that you have good hygiene. basic simple rules like taking showers at least once a day, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and putting on deodorant if you realize that you don't smell that great definitely help.

wear nicer outfits if you are invited to parties or formal social events. during normal days, just be yourself. wear something that you're comfortable in, but at the same time, have acceptable appearance, in which people wouldn't snicker at you.

for girls, there's no need to wear heels to school. i've tried wearing heels for 12 hours and it doesn't work. if you're uncomfy with make up, then don't. and an extra info would be, take care of your skin. i gotta admit that guys do take a good look at your face. put on hairband if you realize that you have oily hair which could contribute to the number of pimples on your face. have some lip balm when your lips get slightly dry. other than that, you're good to go :)

2. a good way to improve your inner beauty will be to reflect on your mistakes (based on your character) and try not to do them anymore. one very important aspect is forgiving. have you forgiven the person who had hurt you acutely 5 years back? do you do revenge? forgiving is the hardest thing i've done all this while, but once i've approached that person, apologized, and be friends with her again, (well, you might not be the best pals like before) you will feel at peace.

spending your quiet time each day does help. as i am a christian, i like to close my eyes and pray to god about what i have done today. is what i have done morally right? i ask Him to give me guidance throughout this process of learning. for those of you who are still seeking god, spend 15 minutes being alone, away from your laptop, close your eyes, listen to soothing music while pondering about what you've done today. it does help to relieve your stress and you be a better yourself next time.

to conclude, i do care about my appearance, but i do think that inner beauty is a more important aspect to look at. i'd rather have a guy who's not great looking but cares about me deeply instead of a gorgeous guy whose giving me pet peeves all year round.

be brave, my friends! you're your own standard. no one shall change you coz you're who you are.

new roommie!

new roommie's finally arrived! she's from a small region in china called guizhou. a simple, yet nice girl. she brought me a chinese decor and a scrunchie. how nice! and she asks me questions when she doesn't understand certain things. that shows that she believes that there shouldn't be any barrier between us coz we're of different nationalities. that's terrific!

been catching up with my sleep today. had to check for book prices at university bookstore, give away some of the egg tarts to pals, and it's pouring cats and dogs. perfecto timing to sleep! am planning to make pempek palembang with firo tomorrow. please, don't let it rain! just ruin the mood to cook something delish.

i made up my mind. i am taking an 11 plus hour greyhound trip to sandusky, oh to meet up with nors and go to cedar point. initially, i thought it'd be a wasted trip considering it'd be a day trip and look at how many hours i'd spend on traveling time. but i don't know when i'll be going to cedar point in the future...plus, i think my communication with nors would be slightly cut off in the last 2 semesters. well, we made plans to go travel after we graduate. i still believe that we will keep in touch after years...but it's going to be hard to meet up given that we're at different schools and different areas.

am so darn lazy to start studying gmat. i've got the book since 3 weeks ago, but i've only started skimming through it today. i shall go to the library to try to concentrate on studying. i am pretty much set up for fall semester, but i imagine people in my year would give me weird looks when i get back to school. they'd be wondering where on earth this girl has been for the past 1 year. kaka! it's london...and you've missed a great deal of experience since you aren't there.

enough of this. too much rattles tattles and one advice for those people who are willing to wear high heels for the entire day: don't! you're doing your feet some damage. been there, done that. i gotta say that it's not a very nice experience.

envy

i've been thinking a lot about myself lately. am i a failure? while people around me are getting internships, earning really good grades, getting well-paid jobs, i am doing things that i was doing back in freshman year. taking classes and doing things that i enjoy most.

i know that i am a person who doesn't go by social standard. by that, i mean i don't follow what the normal people do. i've been emphasizing on my quality of life. who knows i only have a couple more years to go for my life? no one knows. but, sometimes, my principle foundation just goes shaky and i start questioning myself: am i a failure? while everybody else has been earning income, i've earned none since last summer and am planning not to have any source of income till i graduate. not that i am too lazy to even seek for jobs, but the workload for my last 2 semesters are going to be tremendous and i don't want to pull down the grades that are expected to crash if i just don't study.

i don't know. i am just upset that i am not doing as well as everybody else. or is it envy? but yes, i do have something in mind of what i am going to do after i graduate. i do hope that everything goes smoothly. not a very ambitious plan, i think...but at the same time, this plan involves earning my own bucks, giving something back to the people and of course improving my quality of life.

you know, i keep on telling people not to follow what others do. set your own standard (but not too low) and pursue what you love. you might get down by what others do, but you just continue doing what you think is right for you. now that i think of it, it's right...but why am i feeling this vulnerable?

i am not a loser. and i think i can do my parents proud. and i shall prove that to mom and dad soon. wish me luck, guys!

missing girl

a girl whom i've known for quite a bit went missing. apparently, she didn't contact anybody, including her family, after her graduation. her parents only knew that she's about to have internship in indianapolis and then she just went out of touch.

the weird thing is that people are trying to find her through mailing lists, which may not be all that effective. i am not very close to her. in fact, the last time i saw her was probably last spring, having lunch together at htm cafe. where are her friends? i am pretty sure that she does have a good bud at purdue. i mean...will 2 good friends be completely out of touch after college is done? people were informed that she actually left some of her stuff at somebody's place, but i bet he or she has no idea where she is now.

the thing is...i got a cous who died without anybody knowing about it. she led an individualistic life i guess. she seldom phoned her parents and i guess she didn't really know her next door neighbors all that well. how did they find her? neighbor complained that there's terrible smell coming out of her apartment and yeah, no one knew the exact time she passed on.

that's why i just hope and wish that ade's fine. it's better to know that your friend elopes instead of having the same tragedy like your own cous. i am going to try to contact the iss office, see whether i could get the company's contact number where she works at. i shall go to her ex dorm and find out whether she has a forwarding address. i hope it's not going to be a futile effort.

for pals reading this, do pray for ade. she's only 22. she has a future ahead of her. wherever she is, may she be safe.

cooking is heaven!

2 more weeks to the end of summer school. i realize that skipping classes becomes a norm after being in london. it's so hard to keep myself awake at 9 in the morn! and believe it or not...i got a 0730 class for 3 days in a week next semester. good luck, mel! either you'll continue having this skipping classes habit, or i do hope they do have incentives (like quizzes) to motivate me to go to class. but don't worry guys, i don't just stop going to classes. the pattern has been one absence in 5 days. i hope my record won't be blemished coz i am still determined to go to all classes for the next 2 weeks. (who knows the instructor might tell us things we need to know for exams)

anyway, surprise...surprise! i've finally found pleasure in cooking. it turns out to be easy! right now i don't even want to eat out unless i am absolutely lazy to cook. well, the troubles with cooking my own meals are that:
1) it takes at least 30 mins or so to perfect the food, and i don't have the time during normal semesters.
2) i don't like left-overs! when you cook for yourself, you tend to have the same stuff for the following meal...and then the following lunch and dinner. by the end of the week, you get so tired of what you cook, off you go to any fast food joints!

i can't just ask cheetah to have this joint partnership of cooking again. i mean we'd be busy during normal semesters. but let's see. i still have a lists of dishes i want to cook. the more the merrier. at least, i am getting more and more womanly. kaka! which is a good check list to get a good husband. just like a saying, 'a good way to impress a man is by filling in his tummy.'

so, anything new from me? roommie came to town and she treated me all the time! that's the the power of being employed. :P thank goodness, she's gone...otherwise i'd be a panda right now. we could talk for hours and lights would only be out at about 4 am. whoa! but i'm going to visit her between 12th and 16th of august. this time, she'll the one who's gonna be extremely tired considering she has to work and i am still having my hols. :D

and speaking about roommies, yes...i dare say that i finally found a roommie! a phd student in food & nutritions from china. she doesn't seem like the type of person who'd run away from the lease. (unlike my supposed-to-be next roommie) i do hope that we'd become good pals. so far, the closest chinese friend that i have is yin yan and oops...i have promised to see her one of these days, but i never did! bleh! no more excuse. i should give her a surprise visit this friday.

jay's leaving for maryland too. :( seems like everybody's moving out of purdue. that got me even determined to get done with purdue. 1 more year, so it shall! and then adios, this small town which i've called my 2nd home for the past 3 years. actually, west lafayette's not all that bad. i've met some of the most wonderful people around. so better start appreciating my last 2 semesters here.

sleepo time, ciao!

unpacking

had the time of my life and decided to redecorate my apartment. my room used to have so many extra furnitures from dearest roommie, but i managed to scatter them around the house. my room's finally back to my style, simple and plain. (which according to roommie, is totally boring)

did unpack the 2 boxes which had been lying there for almost a month. found a mug i bought from disney world 2 years ago. took out my eccentric purple stereo and aside of all the dust it's been collecting, it's still working perfect. saw the green ugly googles which i have had since 2003, and thanked myself for still keeping it since i need to take another chemistry lab. found this small christmas mug received from vina as christmas present. there were actually 4 of those, with different characters on each mug. and yes, my ex roommies took 1 each and now that they've all graduated (and aren't gonna live with me anymore), my mug's the only one surviving in the living room. and i digressed.

i am still not letting go of those fond memories. memories in which all my good pals were around. but you know, this is always been the cycle. you feel lost at the beginning, you meet up somebody just to pass time, realize that you grow close to her, confide in her, and when the time comes, it's time to let go. but i am pretty sure that sometime in the future, i will meet up with them again, and we'd have the best times of our lives.

it's all about the summer!

thumb's up to summer! weather's just right. i could finally cook some dishes from my recipe archive. (yes, try www.foodnetwork.com. a very reliable site to find recipes) i could just leave homework and readings at the very last minute and finish them all before midnight. (imagine doing that during full semester? i am not going to sleep!) i could go to corec and do my running routine. (25 laps this time. hopefully, it's attainable) i could watch king of queens episodes and laugh like nuts without being haunted by work. best of all, the gameshow network at buncit's place! that's like heaven. i could spend hours trying to figure out the lingo puzzles and who wants to be millionaire questions without doing any other thing. summer is about killing time. (not wasting time, mind you :P)

my results from ucl turned out to be decent, and i thank god for that coz i do not have to worry about graduating later than expected. which means...*drum rolls please* i could minor in management as well as do my senior year without feeling burdened of taking the classes that i thought i might need to retake. well, slightly hellish senior year, but still manageable. wish me luck, guys!

another update from me---i might not have a roommie for the next 2 semesters. the supposed-to-be roommie of mine stood us up, but well...i am still trying to find one and to think about it, living alone might be fun, especially you might want to be on your own when you have your free time.

imax theaters are great! huge screen, excellent sound system, and of course the 3d impact. those of you who have the chance to go there, please do so! it's slightly more expensive, but worth the money. one advice though, do come 1/2 an hour in advance! i practically had to angle my head 120 degrees up for the entire 2 and 1/2 hours of superman returns since we came exactly on the dot.

my reflection on this guy with 1 jutting out pony? (wondered why.) these days, these superheroes movies focus on our psychology thinking and it's not exactly my thing. the guys thought they're awesome, while i think they're way too draggy. it's one's preference actually.

and while so many people want to go to chicago or indy for their holiday getaways, i am getting so tired of traveling! maybe that's because i didn't have much break in between my uk travel and coming back to purdue, but really...the idea of sitting at home, cooking some new dishes and watching gsn looks more appealling going to places 3 hours away from here.

and mom's officially realized how lonely she is without us kids. now that sis is doing her homestay in us and yongma's gone to attend somebody's wedding, that's actually a good prep when the real thing happens. soon she'll realize how fast we grow and how we could stand on our own two feet.

wedding + in america

as what i've mentioned in the previous post, i had to attend a wedding. the first one in which it's addressed to me, not to my parents...and i was excited about it.

it was a traditional, simple yet elegant wedding. i got teary minutes after the bridesmaids entered the hall. my mascara was already smudged by the time hirro and dan started exchanging their wedding vows. and that moment actually stirred me. yes, i do want to get married. i want to silently cry in happiness while citing my wedding vow. i want to proclaim to my dear ones how much i love my man. it's not happening anytime soon, rest assured, but when the time is right, i am going to do it. and before that time comes, i am hoping i will be able to attend several weddings and get teary all over again.

i've been watching several movies these days. not that i am completely free, but i just want to get rid of these dvds that i borrowed from cheetah. and i've been seeing movies in theaters too. i guess i am enjoying the privilege of seeing a movie for 1/2 the price of that in london. i shall say that french movies have weird (or shall i say different?) ways to convey their messages. i found amelie intriguing, though plotwise it was meaningless. a very long engagement was very draggy, though the message was clear---if you have faith in your loves ones, whatever you've hoped for would come true. i like he loves me, he loves me not though. solid storyline and the frenchman was so good in creating a situation in the perspective of a man and a woman.

will i watch any other french movies? well, not right now coz it normally takes all my concentration and sometimes it would turn out to be disappointing. but i guess i have to find those which aren't starred by audrey tautou. she tends to star in uniquely artistic movies which focus on human behaviors.

and i just watched in america, which was recommended by nora. it's pretty heavy, so i suggest you guys might want to watch it when you don't feel stressful. it's about an irish family which migrated to america, filled with hope. part of the reasons why they decided to settle down in america was that they wanted to put into past the memories of their son/brother, frankie, who had died of brain tumor. life's tough...they were penniless, their neighbors were mostly drug addicts and the mom was expecting a child who might die if she's born too soon or endangered mom's life if she came out late.

despite their relatively difficult life, the 2 daughters always looked at things in positive manner. they talked like adults, and the dad always tried to please them though he barely made the ends meet. the parents were blaming one's self for their son's death, but the oldest daughter, who believed that god granted her 3 wishes, wished that her mom and dad would put aside the thought of frankie and move on. the wish came true and the movie ended with the mom and dad hugging emotionally, realizing that the newborn daughter was there to replace old memories of frankie.

what a beautiful movie. somehow, it's a cliche of the movie it's a beautiful life, but it's in today's era. sometimes i wonder whether such a family exists. a father who always tries to spend quality time with his children. a mom who lets her children raise their concerns. daughters and sons who would not cry over toys, but ask questions like adults. i don't think i was like that when i was a kid. i guess struggles do give wisdom, not only to adults, but also to children. if your life is just like a straight 100 mile highway without any turns, i bet you will not learn as much.

am back!!!

yes! safe and sound, despite having a few uneventful things along the way.

first, i got detained while going through the immigration section at o'hare. well, my i-20 form's signed by purdue's international student counselor last august and it's valid for a year. however, most students actually get out of america for a short vacation and they're normally back in 2 or 3 months' time. looking at my case, the officer thought i had actually graduated and came back using my student visa. minutes crawled as i was brought into this tiny room where another officer looked at my record and finally realized that i was still a full-time student at purdue. sigh. the down part of being an international student who went for an exchange program.

walked out of the arrival hall as happy as a bird for i was so close to smelling west lafayette. had lunch, went home, and hung out with buncit and cheetah that night. everything went fine till the next morn, when i discovered that my passport and i-20 were gone!!! whoa!!!

unpacked everything, searched high and low and finally told nug about it. he's the one who took all the information regarding whom i should contact if these most important docs happened to be gone forever. called o'hare's lost and found. no one called back despite me leaving a voicemail. called buncit. he left for 1st day of work and wasn't picking up the phone. at this point, i was on the verge of just accepting the fact that i might just apply for a new passport and obtain a new i-20 form. but there's no way i would obtain my us visa in america and for that fact, i would have to stay here till i graduate and then reapply for us visa after i graduate. (if i want to go to graduate school) thank goodness, later that night, buncit called and told me that my dearest passport's in his car. phew!!! i-20 form's gone though. but i couldn't imagine how mad my parents would be if i lost my passport. it's like a deja vu. a year back, a few minutes before taking my train ride to jakarta, i just found out that i couldn't find my passport in my purse. alas! it was in my large suitcase, burried in one of the plastic bags containing my medicine supplies.

and how are classes? tight schedule i suppose...and taking 2 economics classes at the same time can give ya a headache coz one's supposed to be the prerequisite of the other...but at least i could get this entire subject on 2 points' of views---miniscule and broad. so far so good, but this jetlag's been sucking all my free time. other than that, time's been spent with meeting friends who'll be leaving west lafayette for good. one's off for internship in indy and another one's gone to dallas, tx. whoa!!! so many people got interns this summer! felt slightly ashamed that i am still stuck with summer school.

off meeting sana now :D glad that this week of class is finally over.

my room

i was packing and i saw how empty my room was. it's the place where i've slept, dined, watched dvds, crammed for exams, listened to radio, brushed my teeth...basically, my life after going to classes. and i couldn't believe i'd be leaving in less than 48 hours. i am grieving over it. and i don't think i can bring my tripod. 2 gigantic suitcases, 1 sling bag for baby vaio and a backpack for my passport are enough to keep me occupied. i am so going to miss this place. true, london can be a hostile place, but when you've been in this metropolitan city long enough, you'll learn to give it a smile and not take it too seriously.

how i wish i could write a little note in a corner of my room, with this saying: 'this room has witnessed every single history of mel's life between 2005 and 2006.'

adios, room 224, ramsay hall! adios, london! thank you for giving me sweet and bitter memories. i shall treasure them for as long i could remember.

i don't want the whole world to see me, coz i don't think that they'll understand

an earthquake just engulfed jogja a week ago. and i didn't know about that till i received a friend's text message asking me whether my family was okay.

for those of you who are concerned, thank you so much! :) my family's fine. we live in a small town between the border of west and central java, while the earthquake took place in jogja, the eastern part of east java.

i remembered one of the contributors in 'our column' on kompas.com. he's from bantul, the area where the impact was the greatest. he often wrote about his childhood in bantul. where he used to hang out during his grade school days. which food stalls to take note of in case any readers wanted to travel there.

but i guess everything's turned into dust now. i am still not updated about how many people have been killed. i heard the governor of jogja is still deciding which international volunteer organizations should take part in restoring jogja. dang it! help keeps on coming, but you still have doubts in it? i don't think that these foreigners want to be illegal immigrants in indonesia. i don't know what this guy is thinking.

and deep down inside, i feel sorry for these people. i want to help. not just by donating to any organizations. i want to be a part of this team who's there to do all the work...digging all the rumbles, carrying rice sacks, consoling those who have lost their families. and i simply can't do that. just because i am far away from home and that parents will definitely go against it. not that i am all gungho about making a difference to the world. i want to help. as much as i could. to the extent that there's no way i could do anything and remorse takes over me. that's how much i want to help.

and my adventurous nature vs. his concern over me has always been an issue. i travel not because i want to let others know how many countries i have travelled to. the smell of challenge conquering a new country has always been my interest. and not that i want to be different from the rest of the world, i am simply the black sheep of the white flock. i think differently. everybody thinks about safety. i think about when i will ever do it again. people think for their best interests. i try to put others before me.

but he sees me as a foolish person. who's too stubborn to listen to his precautions. who's selfish enough to put aside his worries for what i am keen in doing.

i don't give up what i do for a man. a man that i am fond of. not that i am selfish. i think liking a man and your adventure without any clashes is doable. and if he can't accept just the travelling bits, how about my intentions of doing what i could for the world? i think that would be beyond his scope of tolerance.

we can't continue shouting at each other for different idealities. it simply doesn't work. and i grieve over that.