grown up problem

a guyfriend just confessed that he no longer loved the girl he's been dating for 2 years and that he's interested in another girl whom he's known for 3 months. i asked him what he's planning to do. he said that it'd be unfair to keep his girlfriend in the dark. he's going to tell her the truth today. of course, as a "fixer", i told him that he needed to get his conscience clear before making any decision. interestingly, he asked me what i'd do if i were in the girlfriend's shoe.

"i'd cry" it's a plain and simple answer.

"would you hate the new girl?"

"no, because she isn't wrong. i would probably ask you what your final thoughts are and i would accept your decision with heavy heart. over time, i will be able to forgive you."

i don't know how it's going to turn out, but i hope he won't regret anything by the end of the day.

regrets. all my close pals are facing this struggle right now. regret over taking the previous beau for granted and making that one major crushing mistake. regret over turning down a guy she really fancied and eventually allowing withdrawals to creep in when the guy moved on. regret for prioritizing work over him. it all boils down to the core value of a relationship---to curb loneliness. it's just fascinating how i could connect with friends who are 1/2 a globe away to discuss on the topic of regrets.

i was chatting with a friend who sometimes swooned me by his maturity when i asked him what kind of qualities he's seeking in a girl.

"your qualities are actually close to what i'm looking for." a rather surprising, but pleasant answer.

"i once thought of you too, but too bad we're never in the same city eh?" i joked, but it was indeed an honest statement.

i didn't have any regrets asking that question. at least i knew that we're on the same wavelength.

oh...the mysteries of life. it's like going into an endless tunnel. you don't know when you're going to see the light. regrets never do me any good, so i always shove them away though the pain sometimes inflicts. i'd think about the positive outcomes of my bad decisions and learn to grow up.

i'm over it

2 years and some months, countless sleepless nights, along with some teary moments of reminiscence, i can jolly say that i'm quite over it. i've grown up. i know what my priorities for the next few years are. while i am still young, i should pursue the things that i can't pursue once i start having a family. my conviction is clear. i'm quite determined.

i've decided to let love go. it's painful. it's heart-wrenching. but boys and girls are seldom in the same frequency. i dwelve into my feelings and make a lot of assumptions toward how a theoretical relationship should work. a man's mind distracts him from the past, allowing him to move forward. 2 years change a man's dreams and perspectives especially if he is in his home country, where all the comfort and protection permeate him. a stubborn woman tends to continue focusing on her goals while trying to revive that relationship.

many girl pals told me how mature i am, how i can be subtle in all situations, and how determined i am in learning as much as i can. but i've learned since 2004 how love can totally poison me, plunge me into a black hole, which then blinds me from who i am as a person.

in short, i was always hopeful. the hope which turned into perseverance. perseverance that turned into expectations of how he should react. unfortunately, everything was crushed by disappointment. however, this disappointment tasted just like a bitter pill that gradually healed my sickness. i found my old self. i got back the 4 years that i lost and walked away with stride.

thanks, boy for showing me love.

thanks, mom for being my emotional fortress.

and thanks, pals, especially those of you who've known me for years. mel's back on her feet! :)

french couple

so i entered this chinese coffee house in chinatown. i came alone, so i was seated with this french couple. they looked sweet. normally, european couples can't keep their hands off one another. this couple didn't. they respected each other. at times, the guy did gently carress the girl's cheek. but that's it. no holding hands. no fooling around with each other. the best part of all. they actually talked a lot. *though i didn't understand what they were talking about* in fact, both parties were so digressed in their conversation, oblivious of the rest of the world.

their food came. it's crispy pork with rice and hot and spicy beef hor fun. i was impressed. this couple seemed to know a lot about good chinese food. more food came. they ordered 3 plates of steamed dumplings. i couldn't contain myself upon seeing so much food. i kept quiet, but they noticed about my confused look. they laughed hard. and that broke the ice.

we talked. i told them that i am indonesian. and they knew where indonesia was. the girl said this to me, 'wo hui jiang han yu.' in perfect tone. i was even more mesmerized. i asked them whether they studied chinese language. the girl did. 10 years ago.

the couple told me about their traveling experience. they had been to china. they had been to jakarta and bali. but they didn't have enough time to travel to borobudur. *can you imagine? they knew about borobudur!*

something that touched me a lot, 'out of all asian countries we've been, we realize that indonesia has the friendliest people of all. they kept on smiling at us, though their living conditions weren't good. and that impressed us'

so it's my turn to ask. 'is it true that french people are so nationalistic to the extent that they don't want to speak in english to the tourists even though they can?'

the girl chuckled.

'basically, french aren't good in speaking in other languages. i noticed that while other nationalities have higher frequency of tone, french have way lower. that explains why we can't speak good english.'

'also,' the girl added, 'when arrogant americans come to france for holidays and throw their money around, the people in service do intentionally speak french only. they have this attitude towards arrogant people.'

we finished our food. the couple told me that they just had a stop over in london for the weekend. the girl joked that the guy had been waiting for her to finish work before this trip. it turned out, they had been best friends for more than 10 years since their university days. but they just became an item recently.

'i am happy for you two. i really am.' i smiled at them.

'i'm going to the bathroom. do make sure that he's not going anywhere.' the girl warmly replied.

'hey, he's been waiting for you for this weekend. he won't just run away from you.' i joked.

while the girl's away, the guy gave me one important advice. life's short. you can only travel a lot while you're young. when you get caught in work, definitely you won't travel much anymore. so, go around the globe. find out about various places you've never been before.

when it's time for us to separate ways, we shook hands. his name's sigma. her name's isabelle. and as i walked out of the coffee house, my eyes were brimming with tears. again, god showed me another extraordinary day of my life.

trip to southampton

right when i needed to get away from internet and guyfriend, the planned southampton trip arrived. it's a short one, i was there for only 1 and 1/2 day. but i am thankful that i could spend sometime with my long lost secondary school pal. the best part of all, i could get away from londoners, who, in my perception, are materialistic and rude.

anyhow, we went for a potluck dinner held by singapore students' association. was awkward initially, but could finally find the right clique of friends and the night turned out to be nice. we brought fried samosa, curry chicken and some nice indian sweets.

raji, shan and me, three ex-cedarians. i miss the good old days.

the next day?

southampton's actually divided into 2 areas, the downtown, where you could do all the shopping...and the old town, where you could see the ruins of castles.

at the port of sea. i love the scenery!the castle ruins i was talking about.

lastly, the gate separating the old town and downtown.

see ya soon, southampton!