alas...this blog has been neglected for 5 years...what has happened during that 'brief' time lapse?
i have become a mother of 2. i have switched jobs. i have learned to take it easy and not be bogged down with my impossibly long checklist of life's daily to-do's. i have learned to judge less on others (though this 'hornet' still has ways to go in terms of being swatted down). i have learned to enjoy luxury of life vs. being a penny-pincher. i have learned to let friendships run their course vs. micro-managing them. overall, i think i might have matured a little bit as a person.
you might be wondering...a little bit? that's quite an accomplishment, mel! do not downplay that growth! please, let me elaborate more. the 2020 pandemic has been a wonderful blessing for our family overall: working from home (instead of 1.5 hour total commute each day with carpool buddy whose ideology i simply detested), being able to have lunch with dear hubby everyday, dropping off bunnies to school together with the hub, sneaking in grocery store trips whenever i need to take a break from work, exercising (!!! i am pretty proud to have consistently done my daily morning walk to catch fresh air), having no agenda of where to go/ what to do/ what to expect. it's indeed liberating. with the pandemic, i've also unleashed another untamed beast in myself: impatience. the counseling radio talk show host this afternoon mentioned about seeing a person's true color when that person is in distress. i totally agreed with him. working from home has blurred the line between work and family. i am having a hard time seeing that line. the soldiers during medieval times in england would say, "for king and country!" (happens to be my favorite band too) for me, the parallelism is "for work and THEN family". the self-inflicting pressure to be the best employee out there causes me to have this illusion that i only have limited amount of time with the kids and then i have to get back to work and accomplish more intangible values for the company. my anger gets triggered when our younger son keeps waking up in the middle of the night, while i still have some 'A-list' work material to do. patience gets short-circuited, tone gets harsh, son would realize mom's morphing into evil caretaker and go into crying spree. joel has infamously called me 'snapping turtle'.
so what is my plan? would it be 2021 resolution: to deal with this impatience monster? frankly speaking, i'm not into resolutions ever since kiddos came to town. there are many unexpected unknowns and priorities change pretty quickly. i could make that conscious choice though: to take a deep breath, to think about how i should respond kindly to my husband, our kids, and often times, pardon my french, imbecile coworkers. what about that work-life balance being tipped off, mel? good question! i hope not to log in to work after hours, unless if it is absolutely necessary. after hours would also mean spending less time on the phone and maybe returning to my old pastime of journaling or reading. it might be a big feat as i am usually exhausted and i just need mindless inconsequential activities like binge-watching youtube videos. hey, every motivation should start with a simple step right?
listened to mike minter's sermon on the most dangerous part of our body, the tongue and i think this verse should be my 2021 verse:
colossians 4:6: "let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everybody."
happy new year, my dear friends. 'tis the season of contemplation and i hope you'd be able to think of 1 virtuous choice you are intentional about doing every waking moment of your life starting today.
