home

hundreds of visits home later, this is the first time i look forward to letting time pass by quickly. food doesn't taste as good as what i used to remember. weather is unfriendly. parents are formally nice, yet tight-lipped and in denial. big brother looks at me differently, as though i am a failure. grandpa's spoken languages have been reduced to mandarin dialect and a mixture of indonesian and chinese, not helping my intent in trying to connect with him. for a change, little bro has been a delight. he's open-minded in sharing his life, asking me about college, be it location and what major will be most relevant for his future. of course, yuli's wedding (and a chance to finally see surabaya) and going out with wita did make this trip even more worthwhile.

maybe i've grown out of cirebon, where people haven't changed and i have. or maybe it's my tendency to avoid confrontations. or maybe i've gotten used to the westernized way of thinking, in stark contrast to the locals' way of life. it's 8 more days to returning to virginia and my heart is empty. usually when the departure date is nearing, my heart aches at the thought of leaving my family. but this year, homesickness is already happening right now, where the thought of being apart from him is painful and i long to return to virginia. i have slowly grasped the meaning of love, how its intensity changes you from your old mindset of where home is and what matters more.

oh how i miss you.