plank in eye

i've been plagued by love since the summer. it's as though there's a plank in eye which i could live with because i simply couldn't see past that. even up to 2 days ago, the plank was still there until reality hit and i reflected upon my foolishness. all for the matter of a sweet boy, i am delaying on the purchase of 1-way ticket home and had the hardest time to put it upfront to him. i've become lazy. my days off agenda was filled with appointments with him, going to places around virginia and d.c. home was in a mess and i didn't have time to do my bible study homework and even write a blog entry though i did have an urge to share about my life with you readers.

it's ironic how it all started out. i hated the guts out of him. an insolent boy who always said too much to prove himself worthy. i would interrupt him to keep him quiet and boy, it was an awkward hour when we were left to guard the fab while everybody's down for the team member meeting. i even asked for my small group family's prayer for me to show grace to the guy. i dreaded going to christian concert with him in march (and the journey took 1 1/2 hour too!), but swore to myself it would be the last time i would hang out with him. that concert turned into the beginning of many outings. he made me realize what qualities of a guy i was yearning for---intelligence, being a good listener, patience, and good attention to details. i realized how much he loved me when he sent a text about not being able to get angry with me for too long because he might have liked me too much.

we've cruised through a couple major conflicts and everything came down to our major character flaws: him assuming too much and my being easily offended. we've apologized to each other and moved on, but i really couldn't get past the last conflict. i admitted i had certain expectations of him and when the same issue occurred again, i would expect him to become a better man. however, when you're dealing with a natural personality, a person doesn't really change. again, just like the end result of my previous relationship with han, i become disappointed.

i hope the plank in eye is slowly fading away. i was grieving in the last 2 days. it's hard for me to grow intimate with a guy and now that i am trying to grow apart, i shall struggle. but i am glad that it is almost over. i don't have to deal with the guilt of not telling him about my departure. i don't want to manipulate his feelings too. besides, my future plan which i've planned for 2 years shouldn't be inhibited. it is time to move on.